F*CK LE WORLD. Its 3:40 am. I literally just finished reading a blog post by a very talented friend of mine Cecile Emeke. Funnily enough I stumbled upon this article of hers strolling through the timeline, when I should really have been:
- Finishing off the work I was running away from
When she receives my twitter notification in the morning she’s probably going to think ‘why the heck is this crazy fella up at crazy o clock reading my inner musings?’ Or maybe just maybe, as a creative she’s up too. Who knows? Only time will tell, ironically.
Well back to the topic. There was a key theme within her blog post that really hit me, a topic funnily enough I was debating with my mentor, Natalie, earlier today. Quite simply I have turned into a perfectionist – which bluntly can be defined in other words, as a coward. I am scared. Yes I said it, I’m afraid. I’ve literally dedicated the past couple years of my life working on various projects which ultimately will not only act as a catalyst for where my life goes, but consequently shall also simultaneously shape what my friends, family, and familiars think of me. Everyone who truly knows me simply knows I’m a very secretive person; now it all seems to add up – I don’t keep things to myself due to the fact that I like to keep myself to myself. In fact quite simply, I’m scared of what people may think. How can a photographer who shares his work regularly feel this way you ask? Well you know what they say (whoever ‘they’ are), you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Nobody sees the indecisiveness attached to taking that leap to share your work, the countless ideas that never come to fruition, the opportunities you never capitalized on. Should I or should I not’s, will they like this, will they love it, will they even get it?
I truly believe that whoever ‘they’ may be, we need to point our middle fingers at them and tell ourselves that we actually don’t give a flying monkey about whatever it is they may or may not think, now truly is the time to take that leap. Literally, as Disney movie as it may sound, trust your instinct and go with your gut. I owe my art a lot in my life. I’ve come such a long way from a child. I suffered from some stupidly crazy eczema which had me questioning my very existence at times. It literally got to the stage where I would only wear long sleeve garments just to hide myself away from the world. Well now, can you imagine I’m a nude model (well I did it once and it was rather liberating so I guess I can claim that title.) Ultimately I believe everyone should become a nude model in their own right, whether that may be by doing something you couldn’t imagine yourself ever doing, or simply by speaking out when that inner urge within you wants you to. Don’t hold back. Your imperfections shape who you are so there’s no need to hide them. So now go back & scream the first three words in bold from this piece and smile.
– Mathieu Ajan
(Mathieu is a friend of mine; This text was in an email he sent to me.)